More talk, more game.
Less fear, less shame.
All eyes, all ears.
No words, no tears.
I compete with myself way too damn much. I take every opportunity to take a jab and exploit a weakness. The worst thing is that I do it by using others as a benchmark. If i respect you in any way, I have held myself to a standard that meets or exceeds my ability in performing or embodying the very characteristics that I appreciate in you. It’s a sickness.
I think I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying to yourself, “That just means you like competing with other people.” I don’t think I do, though. Here’s how it all goes down. As mentioned earlier, I have to value or respect you in some way. Let’s then say that you are a great storyteller and are charismatic in every situation that you come across. I will then question my abilities to to charm and engage a crowd in a similar fashion. Finally, I will attempt to refine that skill until I am perfectly happy with my abilities to do so. I don’t care whether or not you see my increase in charisma or story-telling ability. All that I care about is that I am good at what I want to be good at, in my own eyes.
My concern is that I obsess over gaining approval of myself. Everyone always says that you should never please other people - you should only please yourself. What if I’m never able to impress myself or find myself content?
In many ways this is a good thing. I feel that most of the successful people in this world today have a degree of obsession with perfection. I just hope that, one day, I’ll be able to look in the mirror and understand that I don’t have to be the best at everything. I hope, one day, I understand that I have way too many damn interests and invest my time in way too many things. I hope, one day, I trust myself with the fact that I can accomplish anything, better, faster, and more charismatically than anyone if I truly desired to do so. I hope, one day, I understand that I am the best man that I can be - better than the man I was yesterday.